If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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