the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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