You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
