loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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