he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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