she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
