sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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