Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
