I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
not ubering you a puppy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
