Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
