she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
why do cheetos always look like penises
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The struggles of a small town man whore
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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