does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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