Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
