i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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