Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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