I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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