shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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