Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
