You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
