Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
