he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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