i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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