I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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