Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
