Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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