I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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