you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
