while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize