well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
