How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Your dad touched me again.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
