Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
