um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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