drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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