Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
