I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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