In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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