Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
