i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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