Define "chronic" masturbator.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
