so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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