I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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