I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
