i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize