I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
