do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
