I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
