9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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