bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
