You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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