Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
