I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
