Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize