I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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