My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
