Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
