last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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