I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
