True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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