How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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