I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found puke in my bra..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
