dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize