the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
