so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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