just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think I am morally bankrupt
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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