he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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