I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
