He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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