do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
50% drunk capacity currently
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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