I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
