Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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