This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
