Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
