your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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